it takes a village

The Lofts

an idealistic approach to old school mating

Recently, I was reminded of how far I've evolved on the subject of love. Having taken an extended break from relationships after my divorce, I now find my singular, narrow path beginning to widen. I am still blissfully alone, but have spent the last few months opening myself to other possibilities. Being alone is a marvelous thing though, especially if one is self indulgent, mildly ambitious and demanding. I enjoy my privacy. My spoils. In my imagination, in my fantasy world, I can have both a mate and my selfish stuff. I am aware that this is foolishness, or perhaps a rest stop between where I’ve been and where I am surely headed. But it makes me wonder what kind of relationship will allow me to surrender heart and body without surrendering all of my independence. Would some physical distance lead to a greater (and more peaceful) bond? Am I really going to care about any of this after I meet a good man? There is only one way to know for sure, so here is where I begin.

That I may now be ready for more than a single life is decidedly not my worst idea. Especially when one considers that I no longer worry about love fog. The oxytocin doesn't hit my brain the way it did in my youth. Since puberty I've been boy crazy. It's been a lifetime of distraction. In my youth I thought everything was easy. I could fall in love multiple times over the course of a year. I used to be excited about a new guy every month. Now? Not so much. It's a function of age I suppose. Experience, appetite, will and want. I am far more secure than I was as a younger man, but the idea of coming home to get ready for a date at the end of the day still makes my head hurt. Daunting as I sometimes find dating to be, it's still fun and exciting to interface with guys. Five minutes into any date is all it takes me to get over my initial awkwardness. Then it’s just a matter of whether I want the date to end and/or if we both want to see one another again.

Though I fell head over heels in and (almost a decade later) out of love with my husband, the bits I actually enjoyed most were laughter (especially at bedtime), taking turns with the cooking, being there for one another as partners and having really amazing committed sex. Selfishly, I was completely delighted that he walked the dogs on cold mornings and would take the car in to have the oil changed. I never minded looking after him or his best interests. I loved being a duo. Being a duo means sharing. Checking in. Thinking about someone other than myself. Being a duo also requires a certain amount of vulnerability. On the face of it, being alone should be easier. The questions I now ask myself when contemplating the choice of mate are: What am I running from? And to? And why? 

I believe we are all responsible for one another. For love, for friendship, for life. As a society, we need our village not only to survive, but to thrive. And we must give in equal measure what we are able. Love forces us into action. Thoreau once wrote that "many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing it is not fish they are after."  In my life I've experienced endless one night stands, casual relationships, cheating relationships, open relationships, three way relationships, the traditional model of marriage and a commitment to being alone. I’ve kissed loads of frogs. Will most likely kiss some more. There is no hurry. As I’ve stated in The Laws of Probability, “we can posture and pose but to end up with an appropriate mate, we have to be real” So this is me being real. Everything in life simply depends upon your point of view.

everything worth wanting is on the other side of fear

The Atlas Hair Company
timeline.jpg

The Atlas Hair Company circa 1997 was the center of my little universe. It was an extension of my creative self and the place I felt most at home within my community. Every day I am grateful that these connections still remain. My gig as an American Crew platform artist offered me a balance between the ordinary and the extraordinary. After work on Saturday I would hop aboard a jet that would take me all over the country to teach barbering and the basic craft of cutting men’s hair. Sometimes I would even find myself in front of a thousand people talking about what I do. Being an American Crew All-Star gave me the courage to create whatever I wanted my life to be.

I loved that little one chair salon. It was ridiculously, blissfully simple and the beginning of everything. But nothing is ever enough for people like me. It must be something in the DNA. After years of working with American Crew, I expanded The Atlas Hair Company and then opened The Philadelphia Soap Company. Once I achieved that, I began to dream about having a dog, maybe two and deeper roots and possibly a full-time relationship. Then I wanted Duross & Langel, then the role as Creative Director for Joe Grooming, then the Salon at Duross & Langel, then Atlas again. All the while looking for externals to define me. To fill the void inside. I know that nothing I ever create will fill that void, yet I still wander from idea to idea. It’s what there is. After all is said and done, I wouldn’t trade a moment of the relationships I’ve built, lessons learned and the experiences themselves.

As I pare down my work life to just one thing (Duross & Langel), it helps for me to remember the joy I have found in simplicity. Ending ventures can be bruising, and in a world that defines how success should look, I will choose to leave those judgments to others. My ambitions are varied and limited and certainly not fixed, therefore my life reflects my unconventional choices. Duross & Langel is a constant source of inspiration and joy. Where we go from here is anybody’s guess and certainly nobody’s worry. It continues on into year 15 and beyond. I would not have achieved nor been able to maintain anything I’ve created without the multitude of people who have helped me every step along the way, especially my best friend and business partner Sarah. My north star, my compass, and the one who keeps me right sized.

I never set out to be an entrepreneur. It occurred by happenstance. In the quirky meter of my personal learning curve, I've come to understand profoundly that the journey is the thing. The people standing with me are all that matter. Everything else is an invention of perspective, and perspective is quite simply a matter of where one is standing at any given moment.

fireworks

Rancho Mirage

One of my favorite things about being single is the unlimited possibilities for romance. While sex is available to all who work for it, romance is a singular treat. Many of my gay coupled friends are in open relationships, and while we don’t often discuss their conquests (alone or together), we never talk about romance. In open relationship world, romance is a non-starter. According to the majority of those I’ve polled, it would be considered an overstep of the contract. In my single world however.. anything can happen.

Let me state that I do not experience romance as hearts and flowers. For me it is a mutual connection to another human(s) that ignites a passion deeper than sex. A connection that leaves both parties feeling profoundly vulnerable and courageous. When that spills into my sexual arena I lose track of time, body parts, inhibitions and control. Surrender in the moment is my only option. Thank goodness for PrEP. Not often, but once in a while, I find myself enjoying a morning/afternoon/night when everything comes together to create a mind-blowing mixture of romance and sex. Fireworks.

Recently I was reminded of where I’ve been, who I am now, and where my life might be headed. It makes me acutely aware that as a younger man my self image was pretty fucked. I now know that most of us share these feelings. So when I look back I think ‘why was I so hard on myself’? If nothing else, this simple facts reminds me to be less harsh on my shortcomings today. Self perception is tricky and we are rarely as bad as we might think, so hopefully it makes me a kinder person. Today I see possibilities where none existed before. Eyes wide open. It also makes the moments when I feel alone a bit easier. We all feel alone from time to time and being in a relationship doesn’t make that feeling go away. Not completely.

Being single or being in a relationship are both valid options for living our lives. Though very different, one is no better than the other. Unlike my younger self, I am not holding out for some imagined perfect romance. Yes, I am traditional in many ways. I still enjoy the idea of courting, mating and fidelity. Even monogamy (I’m kind of square that way). Still.. I won’t wait a lifetime for something that might never happen again, however optimistic I may be about my chances. I’m made happy by the knowledge that in the interim, while alone, other creative arrangements exist. In abundance actually. And since you never know when fireworks will ensue, there is always the possibility of a little romance.

the laws of probability

The Lofts

aka: men of a certain age part 2

for a man my age, i am in great condition. or so the doctor tells me. heart rate, blood pressure, body mass index, etc. internally, i'm getting older but most of the important stuff is working fine. tangentially, i discovered all of this during a recent emergency visit to wills eye hospital. nothing dire. a retina thing that serves to remind me that i’m entering the third act of a three act play. my life is forcing me to look again at what is present and decide if perhaps my judgements about myself have been too harsh. i'll admit to being a vain person. after all, beauty is my business. but vanity comes from a deeper place. physically, mentally, emotionally. what is my over-arching perception? sounds a bit overweening for sure. and i'll own that. a bit of arrogance sometimes has it's purpose, and though that's certainly not all that i am, it does exist as a small part of me. this point of view also encourages me to strive rather than knuckle under to the status quo of aging. as a believer in chemistry i understand fundamentally that sparks ignite a fire. first i have to get noticed, then i have to get close. we can posture and pose but to end up with an appropriate mate, we have to be real. whoever we may be. you can't fake this stuff. it is primal.

feeling good about one's appearance is wonderful. getting a certain type of attention is wonderful too. for a time. with my current dating apps, those who most often reach out are seeking immediate gratification. assuming we all need gratification from time to time... the rest of it is worth sorting. if there is even the remotest possibility that an intimacy might be formed, an attachment could occur... if nothing else, it gets me out there. it changes the energy i'm sending. and it forces other guys to take a look. who knows how the universe works? though you might not find me attractive, a friend of yours might be curious, and having seen me you can offer an assessment (mystery can be over-rated). yes, i have done the very thing at which i scoffed. i now have a shirtless picture online. and you know what? it looks okay. that was all it took. to take the damn picture and then decide how i felt. a few months ago, i was a naturally skinny guy with a softening middle who let someone snap a pic in a bathing suit. not my best self-esteem day. my frame is small, chest muscles have been torn, shoulders won't get any bigger, so it is the waist that must conform. the visual i saw on camera was enough to get me to cut out fried foods and exercise my core. *my current 134lb is my highest weight ever. i eat and eat and never gain weight so please don’t make any assumptions. vanity is not always a bad thing. today i feel sexy and with the help of our duross & langel retinol cream, my slightly reconfigured skin is smoother, tighter and softer to the touch. yup. that was a plug. even if i am all alone and the only person touching my chest, it makes me happier to feel good about the skin i'm in. the internal (mental, emotional, spiritual) stuff? that's another matter.

upon re-entering a solo life, i spent a great deal of money seeking the help of a mental health professional. $185 for fifty minutes each week. in splurge world that’s like buying two pairs of finely made shoes from the uk each month. but it was worth every penny as the lessons learned have made me stronger. in these intervening years i've grown roots deep enough to anchor me firmly into my dotage, and the goal for therapy was not to fix me. the goal was to learn how to reconcile the past, cope with the present, and offer myself hope for the future. and now? the future is here. it's not scary or complicated or exactly what i planned but it's good, and i have finally found a way to love myself. if you've ever read my blogs then you already know where i am on the spiritual path. while at the moment i show signs of narcissistic tendencies, capitalist entrepreneurial socialism is my god. the rising tide lifts all boats. my emotional state can be contingent upon time between meals, proximity to sugar, and where the business stands financially at any given moment. basically a fifty-fifty crap shoot. so when i ask myself “where do i see myself in the dating/romantic scheme of things?” that would be where the law of probability comes in. let me break it down with a simile:

i begin by standing in a vast ocean of available men. then when we factor in my age i am standing in a lake. factor in my/others sexual guidelines/needs and i’m in a pond. that i'd prefer a man close to my age? a pool. that i'd prefer a guy who is under 5'11"? baby pool. fairly healthy bmi? shallow. barely ankle deep. maybe one in a million chance. but you know what? that's okay too. whatever is going to happen is going to happen. it's taken me over fifty years to sort out my shit, and whether it's dating apps or social media or simply new ideas in general, i won’t allow myself to get left behind. that the probabilities have diminished only serves to offer me a more refined choice of mates.

so i tell myslef that somewhere there is a guy out there who doesn't need me to complete him, who wants to climb mountains (literally), enjoys his own successes (however he defines success) and personal goals while sharing similar values. we might one day be lucky enough to cross paths. we might even find one another attractive. the probabilities are quite low for men of a certain age, but why not have faith in the idea anyway.

men of a certain age

with my fifty-sixth birthday in the rear view mirror, i find myself still eager to learn what lies ahead. as of today, life is not all that different from a few years ago. the mundane bits are unchanged. work life, home life.. same same. yet a key factor in my eagerness might be the sense of hope i hold for the future. the things i have planned, the stuff i have yet to discover. plus i'm beginning to feel surprisingly wonderful in my own skin.

six years ago i was lost. i was all alone for the first time in almost a decade, worrying where my life was headed. i had enough faith that everything would sort itself out eventually, but i sure as hell wanted it to go faster. i wanted the process to be easier. it didn't. it wasn't. and for that, i am truly grateful. had it all passed sooner, had it been easier, the transitional experience of the last few years would be devoid of wisdom. the fullness of the journey would not have sated. so many of my peers, straight and gay, leave one relationship only to fall swiftly into another. "those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." at least that's what i like to tell myself on the rare cold, lonely night.

last autumn i laughed at the idea of using a dating app. there was a part of me left wanting by the apps. mostly old feelings of inadequacy, failure at the process, not wanting to look the fool. it took me a while but eventually i engaged, and though i have not found it useful for dating, it has taught me to view myself from a different perspective. in order for me to see what others might see, i actually have to make myself vulnerable. that includes images. pictures. the skinny, awkward kid who is now growing older has to show up on other people's phones. the more i began exploring self imagery, the more i felt empowered to put myself out there. to shed old ideas of what i looked like. to find the present me, the one reflected back through the lens of a camera phone. it's crazy yet effective. below are my public and private app pictures. my comfort zone. today.

my friends have a good laugh when i recount my experiences on the apps. though not sure what my expectations should be, it's begun shifting my self perception in a positive way. there were five apps that i chose. hornet - or as i called it the whore net (deleted), our time - geriatric grindr (deleted), the league - anyone over fifty? no? (they refunded my subscription), scruff and grindr. i have no derisive comments about the last two. while it’s not really my jam, they serve a purpose for the community that yields plenty of results. it took me a while to realize it's unhealthy for me to go more than six months without the benefit of a grown man's naked flesh against me. frankly, if he is a good kisser i am satisfied. these two apps allow the user to state without guile what it is they want and will do sexually. for anyone who remembers 70's colored kerchiefs in the back pocket, this old school signaling is extremely effective. good for most. not for me. what i am willing to do or not do sexually is dependent on the guy, the situation, my comfort level and point of view. so naturally i left that part of my profile blank. alone with any guy, i treat sex like a menu. on the left side we have an array of tantalizing small bites with the most delicious choices of mezzo plates. if i get to know you and really like you, together we can enjoy the right side of the menu. perhaps switch plates half way through? i don't list my personal needs on the apps. or send dick pics. dicks are a whole other conversation.. i fell in love with my dick when i was five. it has been and continues to be, a favorite part of my body. i think it's perfect. if some guy came at me with my dick i would think it was heaven. not too big. not too small. just right... but apparently a lot of guys are looking for a big dicks. and younger guys with big dicks. or younger guys who want daddies with big dicks. whatever.. so long as big dicks are involved. having been built for comfort and not endurance, i enjoy the visuals and keep scrolling.

the apps are fun and easy. i don't have to stand in a bar or make idle small talk while i awkwardly fidget. i can sit on the couch watching netflix while i chat up a stranger. yes, it limits certain aspects of the experience, however a limited experience can be wonderful. in the past, it would take me a half dozen dates to realize the guy might be a prick. but now with the apps, i can usually spot prick tendencies within 24 hours and choose to ghost. if nothing else, it changes the energy i hold about opening myself up. while taking none of it seriously, it spurs me on to becoming the best version of myself that i can be. physically. mentally and emotionally. whatever comes next is most likely a one-on-one experience. i'll know more when it connects.

until then, the apps remind me daily that i am whole and complete and to some, still sexually desirable. and that, as i have come to learn, is worth more than gold.

trust

the salon at duross & langel

at the beginning, i am dubious about everyone i ever hire. it's my mechanism for coping. for not knowing or fully trusting the newest hires. every working relationship is entered into with the best possible motives, but that does not mean people will perform well. or fit in. or not drag their big bag of bullshit into the house. i know enough to give it time. trust takes time. my trust in them and their trust in me. six months is usually the benchmark. that's when disillusionment sets in. the beginning is ending and the reality becomes clearer. nothing is perfect. anywhere. ever. signs of negativity, if not properly managed, can creep in. it often takes the form of "my boss is a dick.", "he doesn't know what he's doing." "I could do a much better job running that place..." what is remarkable to me about this attitude is how easily it negates the fact that i've managed to create and grow a handful of businesses for more than twenty years. i don't take it personally. but i do. it's not about me per se. rather it's about the user's interface with what i've created. while some people are never happy unless they are creating misery for others, it's rare. stylists by nature want to be loved. if there is a rub, it's only comes from a lack of respect. or understanding. for good or ill, everyone who has ever worked in our house has added or subtracted to it's culture. those who succeed have the realization that without mutual trust we are all fucked. which would be why i treasure the current team. talent combined with heart. mutual trust is building and it has set me free.

openness is a blessing and a curse. some people cannot handle my raw, naked honesty. it's not my fault. it's not their fault. there is no blame. not everyone is comfortable with honest non-hostile confrontation. sarah's mantra for everyone is own your shit. i'll own that i'm controlling, opinionated, at times obstinate, obtuse and self absorbed. i have the unnerving capacity to state what i think without really thinking. as you might imagine, it can lead to trouble. the upside is that i have an easier time forgiving similar shortcomings in others. still, somedays my level of vocal honesty needs to be reigned in. there are now four of us in the house, workshop to shop floor, who want to be the center of attention. we own it. at times we clash, but we know ourselves. accept ourselves and our imperfections. we work to fit together while everyone else is performing their work brilliantly. sometimes we forget how valuable the quiet people are to our overall success, and then when we do remember, we overachieve to make up for our loud or pushy ways. it's a coping mechanism too. we try very hard to fit in even when we are grabbing the spotlight. it is a winning quality within a dynamic that can be annoying. regardless, everyone in the house is acting from a good place. it's an amazing experience. through honesty and open dialogue, we actively protect one another's weak flank without question. the least stressful thing about my job today is that everyone is working toward the greater good.

recently i had to block myself and a few others who once worked for me from seeing one another's social media. not because of animosity, but because it's best for me. social media is an ethical gray area for intellectual property. the work is borne of the stylist/artist. the photographs belong to the salon. seeing the intellectual property of the salon taken and reposted by someone now working at another salon bother me. is it petty? maybe. does it matter? no. but the best thing for everyone is that i don't see it. social media can also a hotbed of passive aggressive messaging, so i use blocking as a coping mechanism too. i trust myself to know how best to handle these gray areas. not feeding the beast is often the better choice. besides, i doubt anyone even knows or cares if i follow. i reserve that time and attention for the people i love and/or admire most. mostly my coworkers and nieces and nephews and their kids. and travel. and stuff i love. and people doing amazing things in the world.

albert einstein once said "whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters". my mom used to say "trust is earned". either way, i strive to be the kind of person who can live up to these ideals. if i am not being open, if i cannot be truthful about where i stand, i am being neither truthful nor honest. if on some level i operate strategically, it's innate. strategy is a fools game. it takes way too much energy. conversely, through experience i've learned that a group of individuals who can openly state their needs to one another will always grow and prosper. if for no other reason than their energy flows into the work. i think this is how sarah and i have managed to build the business as long as we have. for us it's not a game, it's a way of life. we live it out loud and are vocal about what we do and don't like and why. i feel this within the salon and grooming lounge now. profoundly. commitment to the ideal that the truth will set us free, but often it's going hurt first. it's easier on those who have been through it. harder on the newbies. the level of commitment makes me feel like i've done something well. to see my team thrive and prosper, to work out the daily stuff, to watch out for one another, it is a joy. though still relevant, i am no longer crucial. they have figured out how to share the running of the place for themselves.

when hiring a newbie, trust is the key message i like to impart. with trust, everything is possible. happiness is simply what we choose to make it.

things i forgot to remember

let me begin by stating my enormous sense of gratitude for the life i now live. looking back through the years of my life, this time stands apart from most, as if suspended in a state of grace. i have much to be thankful for, not least of which is the surety that comes from the five plus decades of experience. nothing bad that has ever occurred within my lifetime has been perpetual. eventually everything passes.

if i were only to look at the places i live my life (home, store, salon..) as empty space, then i have the pleasure of inhabiting some beautiful, organic, light filled spaces. add the people and i am blessed to enjoy the company of wonderful individuals, both coworkers and clients. layer on the work we create and it is mind blowing to be surrounded by such talent. to watch as people grow, settle in, move on. swirling around all of this is my innate sense of style. love it or hate it - it's still style. my style. my approach to light and color, my ability to see form, my tug-of-war with building scent, my simplistic need to design. most days i take all of this for granted. especially the stuff that comes naturally to me. the easy stuff. but somewhere along the way i became a businessman, and i forgot this was meant to be fun. my sense of nothing ever being enough, or quite finished, or whatever it is that fuels my desire to grow and change everything is at the heart of how these projects have all come together. for that i must be grateful too. 

i am not a perfectionist, though i strive for things to make sense. no, the imperfect is quite marvelous if given a good look. in fact, i feel like i've created a world where imperfection can be celebrated. how can we make things better if we always see everything as being enough? no one who ever accomplished anything great ever did so by striving for mediocrity. when i see winning qualities in another, when i see their passion to transcend their craft, i am impressed most by their need to strive. we all do it in our own personal way. moms and dads, people who work to build community, teachers and bakers and firemen. the list is endless. everyone gives brilliantly to something. big or small doesn't matter. i fuel my need to strive into my projects. i could have been a better brother, uncle, lover, husband, friend.. but these projects are where my passions take me. i'd like to say i didn't choose it, but that simply isn't the truth. and sometimes, not often, i am visited by my biggest fear. that somehow, i will bugger it up.

quite a few years ago i decorated the shop for the philadelphia flower show. the theme was paris. though at that time i had never been, i researched how french soap makers plyed their craft and what you might find in their workshops. i attempted to build their world and then layer my sense of style on top to recreate our shop as a french savonier. down to the smallest details, the windows were glorious. the shutters, the worktop, flowers, herbs, the ironwork of the tower in one window..my pride flowed out onto 13th street. the people from PHS never came by to judge my window. i was never acknowledged. it was still marvelous just the same. worth the time, effort and expense. it made me happy. it made sarah happy. it gave us pride. a few years prior, christmas 2008, no one knew what was going to happen, but many people were afraid. we brought bare trees in from the forest, scattered leaves and snow on the ground, and shared our love of western "woods" mythology as it pertained to that climate of culture during the financial meltdown. in a year where decorating for christmas seemed garish and mocking, we chose a stark and barren theme that evoked beauty, hope and community. it gave us joy. it still does. when customers mention those windows to us after almost ten holiday seasons, we know what we accomplished was much bigger than us. we reached out through the glass to offer hope to our community. to offer beauty. to inspire. now we seem to be spending so much time scrambling to hit margins and pay bills that we are beginning to wonder if it isn't a good time to be spending more time looking out again, and less time just looking in. just relax a bit and have some creative fun.

sarah and i used to follow a guy named jonathan cainer online. he cast charts and horoscopes. the thing about jonathan that inspired me had less to do with casting than it did with the thoughtful nature of his message. in a chorus of noises, jonathan offered a daily dose of hope. so i had him cast a chart for seven years. then a few days later, sadly, he died. i still have five years of hope left on my pdf.

my personal chart shows me that any day now, neptune will oppose mercury. it is supposed to last for a year. so i guess this essay is timely in that neptune shows us something about our own ’dream of perfection’. it reveals the ideal world we’d like to create, the ideal vision of ourselves we’d like to believe in and the ideal image of our beliefs that we’d prefer to project. it also reveals in each of us a philosophical weak spot, our spiritual ego, a propensity to become lost in a dream of how things ’ought to be’. where we keep our dreams, we must also keep our nightmares (i love that line). neptune can reveal wonderful ideas that we may be able to turn into realities. yet it can also say something most instructive about the web of fearful fantasy we sometimes weave around our vision of the future. this too, can become a self fulfilling prophecy if we are not strong willed and hopeful enough to challenge it.

so i am instructed that it is not going to be a good time for anything where a logical mind or a clear head is required, and if that’s what’s likely to be required of me, then perhaps i should book more weekend holidays. i am going to have much more interesting things on my mind than routines or sensible constructive thought. a once-in-a-lifetime period to be extra creative with my intellect. If ever i planned to write a novel, now’s a good time to find the inspiration to begin. if i’ve ever wanted to paint, write poetry, or simply lie on my back and gaze at the stars while my mind wanders where it will, this is my big opportunity. apparently, creative people live their whole lives in the hope that a moment like this will come along. stiff, conventional and conformist people are terrified that a thought might enter their heads during this time which could destroy the cosy little picture they’ve built of the world. whether or not i enjoy this next period is really down to what sort of person i am underneath it all. If i try to control myself, fighting off the vivid imaginary daydreams as they occur and forcing myself to pay attention to life’s more mundane matters, i'm going to have a fairly trying time of it. if, on the other hand, i decide to make the most of things, down tools, and just let a thousand beautiful, interesting and inspiring thoughts wash over my mind, i will find that by the end of this period, i will have refreshed parts of my soul that i never even knew were there to be reached. the person casting my chart "really must stress that a chance like this only occurs once - or at the most twice - in the life of any one of us. it’s not that you can’t do anything else when its happening, you can. there’s nothing to stop you carrying on with every aspect of your daily life, as long as you make room for this state of mind instead of trying to fight it!"  however, i am still instructed to growl and prowl like the leo i was born to be, just so long as i remember to purr once in a while.

either way, sarah and i have decided to take the next year to create our lives in a more sensible way. close the house on monday and enjoy doing nothing. let others share a more active role in all things that make the salon run so well. build in weekends away, time with family/people we love, chase goals, conjure new dreams, conquer new lands and find our better selves again. all of this leads to new creations, new ideas, new products and designs... if nothing else, this reading confirms what we already know. things are on right on schedule.

 even with the things i forget to remember, accomplishment still occurs.

london baby

London is one of my favorite cities. Always. I've done it with friends, on business and several times solo. Never disappoints. Never dull. London is whatever you choose to make of it. I decided to choose fantasy. Since I don't purchase many luxury goods day to day, am not a foodie and enjoy mostly simpler things, I decided to spend my coins on the adventure of London. A first class passage allows me an entire day at the beginning and end of my trip to lay about watching movies and reading while someone waits on my every need. An extravagance for many. A necessity for me. The cost of the tickets, up-grade or points is built into the cost of any travel event. If you book it far enough in advance, what you'll pay for First/Business Class is the same as you'll pay for Economy closer to the date. That's how I rationalize it in my head anyway.

The trip began with several years of dreaming, scheming and stalking on trip advisor. As a planner, I have an entire list of things I wish to experience yet can never quite achieve. Part of planning, for me anyway, is not planning the outcome. Creating moments that beget possibilities. As time to depart gets closer, I have to cull my list to a few things I definitely wish to do, a bunch of things that compete for time, and then enough room for spontaneity to occur. This was London baby.

IMG_1231.jpg

Flight. Booked a day flight from PHL to ORD to LHR. Why? Because I'm cranky enough without the excuse of jet lag. Several days before the flight I go to bed a few hours earlier and awaken the same way. The day spent in the plane is no different than a self indulgent day on the couch. Actually, it's way better but I don't wish to brag. Flight 90 out of O'Hare was decadent. Seat Guru informed me it was a 787-800 and that pod 4A (see pic above) flew backward. Never experienced that before so why not? The take off was the only part that felt different. The plane was new, had mood lighting, the windows were polarized various colors at your discretion, the service great, the turbulence a rollercoaster and the virtual flight on the pod screen was very cool. I arrived in London before midnight totally exhausted from snacking and napping...

Direct flight home at 2:45 GMT landed me safely back in Philadelphia at 5:45 EST. Same story, different plane.

Sunday in London. I found a tour on trip advisor called Bowl of Chalk . Sent an email with my requirements. The tour guy (Jonnie) was efficient and accommodating. After I read the ridiculously glowing reviews and stalked his Instagram account, (and downloaded his Kindle Book 1666) I was ready for whatever. In one of my email replies I included my web address which in turn offered me a bonus I hadn't expected. But I'll get to that. We met in Trafalgar Square as planned. Straight away I blurted out some stupid thing about his book, his reply was self-deprecating humor. So okay. Good beginning. I'm cold but happy. The tour commences with my off color remark about the size of Nelson's column which yielded an historical rebuke from Jonnie about it being the size of the mast of Nelson's ship. Thus began one of the best rambles I've experienced through the street of this beloved city. We wandered through Westminster as my guide offered bits of history and color about my surroundings. Anyone who knows me knows my propensity to wander. This guy worked with it. When he said "here is the perfect spot where you can see No. 10 Downing Street", I kind of looked at the spot on the ground and kept moving. Now if The Prime Minister was having me in for tea... I might look over her fence. Felt pretty much the same with the Horse Guards and every other spot where people congregated taking pictures. My goal was to move thru and past. Keep moving, breathing in as much of the city as possible. Now, in hindsight, the day comes back to me in small scenes. Happy vignettes. Why the Banqueting House (where Charles I was executed) is clearly etched in my mind is a mystery, but said building was built around 1622 and is the only remaining structure of the original Palace of Whitehall. I clearly see the Cenotaph. St James' Park and it's pond. The view of Whitehall. The story of the pelicans who were first introduced as a gift by the Russians in 1664 but were found more recently eating the pigeons (no lie... youtube). Throughout the walk we traded stories about weird facts, chatted amiably about current events, stopped in a few pubs and pretty much enjoyed the day. Well I did. And I think my guide enjoyed himself too. Although I was excited to meet up with a friend in Piccadilly after, I was kind of disappointed that our tour had to end. So for me, that's really saying something. Last note...my bonus. Jonnie walked me by a few of the Royal maker's shops. Though many were closed, the fact that he went out of his way to put a few things from my wheelhouse on the tour was a kind and generous act. The smaller cool shops with a rich history like Berry Brothers, Trufitt & Hill (barbers to the Duke of Edinburgh) and Lock & Co lit me up as a merchant. Though my store will most likely not last a century, the spirit these shops imbue, and the look of their store fronts makes me dream. A stop at Fortnum and Mason to see their perfume shop was brilliant. The little room near the back has drawers with custom perfumes blended for people we know from history. To open a drawer and breathe in the scent that belonged to Oscar Wilde was, well, wild. I tried not to embarrass myself, so there was no gushing, but the sense of awe I felt in the moment can only be described here and now. So with all that said, if you hire Jonnie, or just join one of his group tours, be open to whatever. You just might walk away with an amazing day, some wonderful memories, and a knowledge of the purpose of lantern windows.

Wednesday/Thursday. The train from Edinburgh dropped me off in Kings Cross Station. A quick tube ride landed me at the London Bridge stop. Half a block up is the now iconic Shard. I've been dreaming about a night at this Shangri La Hotel since they build the place. The tallest building in Western Europe with sweeping vistas of London was everything I could have imagined. More actually. I have always had a fantasy about airships. The chance to hover over a large metropolitan city while enjoying the amenities available to travelers of that time. This was as close as I will ever get. Not many people actually want to check in and stay in their room, but what more of London could I have seen from the ground? At this point in my twenty years visiting this city, Nobu in Shoreditch is about all I've missed (no thank you). The view. The venue. Three walls of glass almost fifty stories above the Thames that begins at the west and continues all the way down river to the east... I could have spent a week in that room and never tired of the view. Waking in the clouds the next morning was crazy. Made deliriously happy by this fact, I snapped a pic at my feet while still in bed before tossing the phone and snoozing away the early morning. Indulgent. Extravagant. Worth every penny. I cannot imagine doing it twice, and if only for 24 hours of my life, the experience was worth every penny..

I don't expect I'll be returning to London anytime soon. There are many places I have yet to visit. Greece and Italy foremost in my thoughts. This trip however was one of the best ever, and it never ceases to amaze me how much I can enjoy being solo. With the right tour guide, of course.