psychologist Carl Jung said that fairy tales, like the mythical fables about battles of good and evil, are universal allegories found in virtually every culture and country. in western mythology, the woods represent a place we must go for a variety of reasons. the dark night of our souls. the woods are an awesome and scary place that forces us to confront the things thrown into the path of our lives. we don't want to confront what's in there, but from time to time, there we are. for one to go "into the woods" is a metaphor for a dangerous, challenging quest where one has no idea of the outcome — or if you will even survive the journey. It characterizes life's trials or periods of hardships and deep inner turmoil. one thing is for sure though, the person we emerge as is almost certainly not going to be the person we were going in. the symbolism of this metaphor arises from the subconscious mind, which encompasses the entire gamut of our human mind and spirit. it knocks me out.

as i understand it, fairy tale characters are essentially archetypes. universal patterns of potentiality or symbols of human experience and expression. In Grimm mythology it's pretty simple. the villains: wolf, witch and giant who represent the dark shadows (unconscious underpinnings of the mind) that threaten us; we don't have to look at our bad selves when we have a villain around. rapunzel, cinderella and red riding hood are “damsels in distress” personifying the victim role we all play from time to time; universally written as a female but guys play this role often, especially when they need their girlfriend/wife to do almost everything for them (book me a haircut appointment..) and then there are the heroes, like abundant charming princes of folklore, and the modern disney princesses who kick ass. heroes who must make every effort, risk all and take giant leaps of faith in order to achieve their goals. when one of us embark on this journey through the woods, and comes out on the other side stronger and more mature, we have taken the hero’s journey.

mirror mirror on the wall... how we see ourselves is a matter of the reflection, and we often see what we want. the reality of truth with a capital T is often missed. most truths are little "t". some idealized or dramatized version of one's story about the facts. ask five different people and you'll get five variations on the truth. hopefully time, experience and wisdom offer a clearer perspective. though most of us trend toward seeing things in black or white, our lives are actually cast in shades of grey. though we possess both light and the dark, it is only a matter of how we choose to utilize these characteristic at any particular moment that governs how we appear.

when a loved one is dying, when a venture is failing, when a marriage goes dim, we find ourselves moving into the woods. in the beginning of the journey, we find a place of light and shadow that might feel unknown, disorienting, diminishing. the deeper we go in, the deeper it gets. in the thick of it, we can't always find our way. this is when we get to see what's behind all of our surface bullshit. the attitude with which we approach these enormous passages define us. for good or ill. who were are, deeply... who we will become. personally, these are the moments that teach me who i am. everything else is trivial. though often the hero of my own story, i am cast in other roles by those who need me to play out other archetypes. since every damsel in distress needs a villain to secure themselves a hero, it often gets played out over and over until we each get it right.

i used to play the victim. eventually i had to jettison this role around 32 (i was late arriving to the grown up part of my emotional maturity). the victim role never offered me the payoff i was seeking. attention? yes. good attention? never. as a young man i marveled in the original star wars series. i was drawn to the character of luke skywalker. the victim of this story. now you might disagree and say that leia was the damsel in this story but i would have to argue that leia was no victim. no, leia found power in taking care of herself, and doing her business to save the galaxy. it was luke who was the needy, whiny little bitch. for a while anyway... so when i finally decided to change the narrative of my story, i realized I had to shed my old archetypes. tangentially, i used to have an entire narrative surrounding my abandonment as a baby, my foster care situation, my adoption. i used it as a way to protect myself from the rejection of others. explaining it as my truth while employing it to cop out on a life i was only half living. eventually, i exhausted that story until i changed the narrative. my formative experiences became transcendent and transforming. i began to know profoundly that i was really a grown up version of my two-year old self who refused to accept his fate. choosing to reframe my personal narrative lead me to a fuller, richer life. my little hero would't allow me to define myself as a whiny little bitch forever.

having recently been cast as a villain in a limited run psycho drama, i found the role assigned already played out. though type-cast at times as the fussy older queen, i am not qualified to play the role of villain.. in folklore, villains are supposed to be juicy. all poison apples and dark curses. they make the world a misery and such. but in real life we turn on the news and see real villains every day. people of such base human character that i wonder how they cope. and yet each day, someone more villainous and contemptible appears. do they know they are villains? i would imagine that their secrets are the first order of business. dastardly, ugly things they do that must be kept in the shadows lest they fall into the glaring light of the media. but here is the thing about workplace, family, neighbors or the like, no matter what people say or do to make others out to be villains, most of us are just not hard wired to be a bad people. but in the petty tiny minds of people who self create drama, someone has to be the villain so that their mirror does not reflect inward. it is bad and it is wrong. emotional drama created for purposes of manipulation. sometimes we are forced into doing battle with the dragons to keep our light from being bullied into the darkness, and sometimes we have to simply lure the dragon away.

i once heard nelson mandella say that “there is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living". these words changed my life forever. his words now feed my narrative. my story. it's helped me learn to bypass the bullshit or steer clear whenever possible of getting caught up in other people's drama. so if you find yourself being cast as the villain, try not to take the bait, writing about your feelings helps, and for god's sake keep your head down until the shit storm passes. don't play the role assigned and soon they will replace you with another.

today i may not be the hero of anyone's story, but that is their story. i've made a pact with myself that if others want me their story, they should ask me what role i'd like to play, and depending upon what there is to be had, i might enjoy playing multiple roles in multiple stories. i love to make people laugh. sarah asked me today what kind of qualities i wanted in a part-timer. i said someone who laughed easily. though not the first thing on most employer's lists, the role is only part-time and involves a limited run, and though who ever shows up in this role will have to work hard, it helps to maintain a sense of humor. laughter would be a lovely way to pass a few hours with another soul each week. so while not playing the part of the jester, i am not really as invested in how you see me so much as how i show up in the world. if i am seeking to do good things, if i am considered a fair and reasonable man, then heroic acts are not as important. the dictionary defines a hero as a person who is admired or idealized for courage. courage can be found in the most unlikely places.

perhaps mythology has less to do with strict definitions and more to do with what is found within our hearts. archetypes are meant to be lived, to be played out and then to be discarded. truly. we cannot blame others for the roles they assign to us, but we can sure as hell choose not to play them.