One of my favorite things about being single is the unlimited possibilities for romance. While sex is available to all who work for it, romance is a singular treat. Many of my gay coupled friends are in open relationships, and while we don’t often discuss their conquests (alone or together), we never talk about romance. In open relationship world, romance is a non-starter. According to the majority of those I’ve polled, it would be considered an overstep of the contract. In my single world however.. anything can happen.

Let me state that I do not experience romance as hearts and flowers. For me it is a mutual connection to another human(s) that ignites a passion deeper than sex. A connection that leaves both parties feeling profoundly vulnerable and courageous. When that spills into my sexual arena I lose track of time, body parts, inhibitions and control. Surrender in the moment is my only option. Thank goodness for PrEP. Not often, but once in a while, I find myself enjoying a morning/afternoon/night when everything comes together to create a mind-blowing mixture of romance and sex. Fireworks.

Recently I was reminded of where I’ve been, who I am now, and where my life might be headed. It makes me acutely aware that as a younger man my self image was pretty fucked. I now know that most of us share these feelings. So when I look back I think ‘why was I so hard on myself’? If nothing else, this simple facts reminds me to be less harsh on my shortcomings today. Self perception is tricky and we are rarely as bad as we might think, so hopefully it makes me a kinder person. Today I see possibilities where none existed before. Eyes wide open. It also makes the moments when I feel alone a bit easier. We all feel alone from time to time and being in a relationship doesn’t make that feeling go away. Not completely.

Being single or being in a relationship are both valid options for living our lives. Though very different, one is no better than the other. Unlike my younger self, I am not holding out for some imagined perfect romance. Yes, I am traditional in many ways. I still enjoy the idea of courting, mating and fidelity. Even monogamy (I’m kind of square that way). Still.. I won’t wait a lifetime for something that might never happen again, however optimistic I may be about my chances. I’m made happy by the knowledge that in the interim, while alone, other creative arrangements exist. In abundance actually. And since you never know when fireworks will ensue, there is always the possibility of a little romance.