3 minute read

If you’ve never experienced an anxiety attack, now would be the perfect time. I am not advocating panic mind you. The current situation is creating enough anxiety and upset for almost everyone. For me the anxiety often shows up randomly. Unattached. At least this particular experience gives my fleeting anxiety a way to focus. Once a day I wonder ‘Is my chest tight? Do I have a fever? What did I touch?’ I have to remind myself constantly that I am fine. I feel well. As quickly as this anxiety rises, it falls away. Knowing anxiety as a life long companion has made it easier for me to navigate life during stressful times. It’s a strange little mercy for sure.

who you calling thirsty?

Thirsty? That would totally be me. Obviously I am acquainted with a certain amount of pent up energy that is exacerbated by forced isolation. You never want or need anything so badly as when you are told you cannot have it. Judge me however you like. I am old enough to know better but too old to care. Besides, if all the newly expectant and about to be expectant mommies are any indication, there is a lot of pent of energy out there.

why i pray

I’m talking science here. What I do know is that prayer works. In this link you can learn more about two randomised controlled trials of remote intercessory prayer (praying for persons unknown) that showed a beneficial effect in patients and their health. A systematic review found that 57% of the randomised, placebo controlled trials of distant healing showed a positive treatment effect. What this study shows is that remote intercessory prayer said for a group of patients is associated with a shorter hospital stay and shorter duration of fever in patients with a bloodstream infection, even when the intervention is performed 4-10 years after the infection.

And if the science were wrong, how does it hurt? How much better would our lives be, our world be if only we abided by the laws of karma? Put good energy out, good comes back. Which reminds me to remember to feed the neighborhood birds.

Like most of you, I feel powerless in the face of this crisis. Not afraid. Just powerless. Restless from the lack of ability to do anything that makes a difference, except that is, to stay home. I continue to clean and to paint and to garden. I am baking and baking and then making sure I exercise to burn it away. Sleeping nine hours a night. The last four days without sun has been glum. Today I awoke to a sunrise. It felt glorious. I will endeavor to enjoy whatever comes for as long as it lasts. As my anxiety reminds me, it could all be so much worse.

I pray for us all and for the people we love, and for ways to fight and treat this virus. I pray to get back to my ridiculously ordinary and privileged life as quickly as possible. And I continue to pray for gratitude. My whole life has been one great big improbable miracle, and I am so grateful to be alive.