4 minute read

Being awkward is not a burden. It is what it is. Having the propensity to over share, babble or say something inadvertently stupid, I find it easier to duck social interaction rather than feel out of place. With enough effort I can control myself for short periods of time, though I am constitutionally incapable of holding my tongue. I have a knack for saying what I see. It’s not always fully informed but it is my point of view. I leave plenty of room to hear someone else’s point of view, often I find people get dug in to their opinions and won’t engage in a civil discourse. People sometimes find me amusing for short bursts of time, and while I certainly don’t lack the love and affection I need from the world around me, I simply preserve it in the best way I know how. Though I have no energy for unkind, verbally aggressive or superior people, socially they abound. I’ve never quite managed how to gracefully react. Staying at home and social distancing are my life.

To date, the coronavirus has stretched the limits of most people’s imagination. Social distancing can be difficult or boring. Being alone can be troubling. Depressing. Difficult. For introverted natures like mine, this time is much easier than for most. Unfortunately, it has only just begun. They tell us two weeks but what they know is two months will be too long for most, and two years won’t be long enough to outlast this thing. Most people won’t be able to process this reality so we are given information in bite sized pieces. Fear and panic are coming next. Before this pandemic is over, we will be, all of us, forced to face the worst of our personal demons. Yet almost none of us are truly alone. FaceTime, social media, streaming services, internet, food delivery, grocery delivery.. imagine if this had occurred thirty years ago. The idea makes me shudder. What a wonderful world we now live in and how thankful I am to be as connected as I choose to be.

Sarah and I have been talking about this happening since mid January. We decided to begin to order raw materials with the idea that we might not be able to get what we need six months down the road. While “gathering our nuts for winter”, we worked to be as rational and level headed as possible. Especially with co-workers and loved ones. Incrementally getting our people to a place where they would be prepared and could talk through their fears about the then impending pandemic. When you spend your whole life not fitting in, it’s easier to recognize emerging trends. Especially when people are dying. It’s wholly human to think that what is happening “over there” to other people will not effect us. We understand why many people chose to listen to what they wanted to hear. People put their trust in the idea of fake news. Personally I have to wonder ‘is anyone still buying into this thinking?’

While my ability to view the world through a different lens affords me an outlier status, in this instance, we are all careening toward the same precipice together. We are all out of work and struggling together. Sarah, Allison and I closed up the online shop before the order came. We struggled with the idea that even with stringent safety protocols in place, then found out we had been exposed, so until we followed orders to quarantine for fourteen days. Then we go back and work to get our goods to our customers safely. We will have months and years ahead to sort through a lot of information. We can all bitch about how we got here later.